ord, for this is right. (Eph. 6:1)Children have become experts these days at stretching and re-interpreting the words of Ephesians 6:1. The result has been to redefine various forms of rebellion as obedience. Even worse, parents have all too often allowed it to happen.
Sometimes we believe our children are obeying even though they roll their eyes, then sigh in frustration as they go away shuffling or stomping their feet. We think they have obeyed even when their "obedience" is a job half done, or done in a sloppy manner. Often they "obey" after a brief but silent protest, or after a longer time of neglect or "forgetfulness." But are these examples of true obedience? What does true obedience look like?
Obedient children obey their parents promptly.
A child who "obeys" only when he is ready, only after he has done other things he considers more important, is a disobedient child. The cliché "better late than never" may be true in some contexts, but it does not reflect God's heart in this area. Every second of delay is one second of disobedience, and therefore one second of sinning.
If our highest goal were to get the household chores done eventually, then later compliance would be OK. But our greater motive should be to instill into our children a godly pattern of immediate submission to God-ordained authority—in this case, prompt obedience to parents. Just as Jesus' first disciples "immediately left their nets and followed Him" when He called (Mark 1:18), God wants children to obey their parents promptly.
Obedient children follow instructions properly.
When a child is told to clean his room, is he obeying even though his toys and clothes are thrown under the bed or behind the dresser? Is it the obedient teenager who mows the lawn as told, but leaves streaks of uncut grass, or who takes out the trash as instructed, but leaves debris strewn along the driveway?
When God gave instructions for worship, He expected them to be followed in a detailed manner. When the Jewish priests became sloppy, bringing defective animals for sacrifice, God said, "You bring what was taken by robbery and what is lame or sick; so you bring the offering!" Then He asked, "Should I receive that from your hand?" (Malachi 1:13b). Parents, should you accept your child's half-done or sloppy work? If you do, you are tolerating disobedience.
Obedient children submit to authority pleasantly.
The child who responds promptly to his parents instructions and does his work properly, yet goes away grumbling, rolling his eyes in disrespect, or sighing in frustration, is essentially saying, "Woe is me! I am so weary of your burdensome and unreasonable authority. When will I ever be out from under you?" The child, though "obeying" promptly and doing the work properly, is exhibiting a rebellious attitude and is therefore disobedient, just as if he refused to obey at all.
The Jews of Malachi's day not only grew sloppy, they also became weary of obeying God. But God rebuked their attitude, saying, "You also say, 'My, how tiresome it is!' And you disdainfully sniff at it" (Malachi 1:13a). Later He says to them, "If you do not take it to heart to give honor to My name . . . then I will send the curse upon you . . . " (Malachi 2:2). True obedience is a matter of the heart.
Remember:
Obedient children obey their parents promptly.
Obedient children follow instructions properly.
Obedient children submit to authority pleasantly.
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4 comments:
Hey Daryl,
How do we handle in reference to the command of obeying the Gospel? What I mean is that this is a New Covenant imperative, thus children really have no power to obey this consistently without the indwelling power of the Spirit. Also I guess the prerequisite to this is obeying the Gospel first right? So how do we enforce/command this and say "God demands" but not enforce/demand they Obey the Gospel or do we do both and what should be our expectations? Thanks.
Good questions! I think the first thing to realize is that the commands given to Christians (including Christian children) are for all people who are under Christ's authority, which of course includes all people everywhere. Unbelievers do not admit to being under Christ's authority, but they are His subjects nonetheless (though disobedient ones). My point is, the responsibility to obey Christ does not hinge on the ability to obey Him. Everyone is obligated to obey Him, even though they will not (and cannot) apart from the grace of the new birth and the indwelling power of the Spirit.
Secondly, regarding obedience to the Gospel, Christian parents should realize that their children have the obligation to submit to Christ (He is the King of the universe, after all). Submission to Christ is not merely the preferable option (even though it is that too). As Christian parents, we should expect, and yes, even command, our children to believe in and obey Jesus. It is not that we should walk around the house barking out commands about believing in Christ, but both Jesus and Paul present the Gospel in terms that imply the obligation to obey (for example, Mark 1:15; Acts 17:30; Acts 26:20; 2 Thess. 1:8). In the end, if our children do not trust in Christ, they will be among those who did not "obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus" (2 Thess. 1:8).
The standard for behavior in your home and mine must be Christ's standard, even for our unconverted children. Furthermore, even these yet-unsaved ones must be held accountable for their failures and refusals to submit to that standard. If handled in a gentle and loving, but firm and righteous manner, the upholding of this standard will show them their own depravity and guilt, their need for a new nature, and their need for the salvation that only comes by God's grace.
Daryl Wingerd (for the CCW team)
Daryl,
Thanks a bunch Sir and thanks for the your faithful teaching on this area. Hey let me ask you someting else if I may. Somone used Ephesians 6:1 as a reference to children being in the assembly with their parents and not seperated. He said because the letter would have been read in the context of the gathered church, and that the command doesn't instruct parents to "tell your children to obey" but says "children obey" thus being read and directed to the children, that we have a clear case and no biblical example of age segregation within the gathered church. Whats your thoughts on this Sir. I tried to argue against it in my mind and with the scripture, but he brings up a really good perspective that I have not yet heard. Thanks DW.
Lionel,
I agree that Paul expected that there would be children in the main gathering of the local church. His expectation, however, is far from a command to never separate people out by age or gender for specific activities or studies.
The main thing to realize is that while family togetherness in the meetings of the church is good, it is nowhere commanded in Scripture as the only permissible practice. The example of Paul's letter to the Ephesians (I would also note Colossians 3:20 and 4:16), along with there being no biblical examples of age segragation, does not add up to a biblical mandate to always have the whole family together in every church function. The logic that insists that these two factors add up to a command is similar to insisting that 2 + another unknown number always equals 4. We simply do not know what the early church did aside from the main gathering, and so we cannot insist that they never segregated by age or gender. We cannot even insist that they never separated for certain reasons during the main meeting. The fact that Paul expected children to be present does not prove that all ages of children were present, or that the children stayed in for the whole meeting.
The point is, there is freedom for churches to do what seems best to them in this regard (always under the administrative supervision of godly shepherds, of course).
I would refer you to a short article we wrote for our church on this subject at http://www.christfellowshipkc.org/believe_position_family_integration.asp
Daryl Wingerd (for the CCW team)
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